Guilty Pleasures
by Panda Luver 4 Life
Summary: What the hell was I, Uzumaki Naruto, The infamous Kyuubi doing standing in the middle of a cave,surronded by wererats, qouting Dr. seuss, and trying to kill a thousand year old Vampire? SasuNaru, used to be named Club Vampyre
1. Of Kiba and Vampires

**Yuki: This story is dedicated to my friend Sam, who introduced me to the wonderful Anita Blake series. **

**Sam: thank you, thank you**

**Yuki: I revised the version of Club Vampyre, the 1st three books in the series, and wrote it to one of her fave pairings. **

**Naruto: something tells me I am so not going to like this.**

**Sasuke: But I am.**

**Yuki: Oh yeah the story will switch around in certain parts between 1st POV and 3rd POV**

**Warning: You were warned the moment you clicked this story. Of course it's SasuNaru and It's rated M.**

**Disclaimer: I do not Own Naruto or the plot. Though i did tweak and change some things...

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_**Book 1 **_

_**Guilty Pleasures**_

_**Chp 1

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Inuzuka Kiba had been a jerk before he died. His being dead did nothing to change that. In fact, right now he sat across from me, short, brown hair hidden beneath the gray hoodie he wore. He always reminded me of one of those school house jocks; ya know, the ones that hang out by the dumpster, live in the ghetto, and picks on everybody like the good little bullies they are. Not to be stereotypical or anything...

Of course, now the Kiba was a Vampire, the, uh, yeah...forget I said, _correction_, thought anything. He was still hanging with the bad boys though. Nope, death didn't change him much. But just in case, I avoided looking directly into his eyes. It was just my basic, standard policy for dealing with Vampires. Just common sense, like how ramen is God's gift to earth. Anyways, back to Mr. Slime Bucket, wait, make that Mr. _Undead_ Slime Bucket, sitting across from me. Great a new category to add to my list of things and people I have to deal with. Yippee!...not...

We sat there, dead silence, excuse the unintended pun, in the blue, airconditined icecube I call my office. Stupid Jiraiya, my damned boss, thinking powdered blue was soothing. Hmph, comforting my ass!

"Mind if I smoke?," He asked, "Please?..."

"Yes I do," I replied. He knows I smoke, I know I smoke, Hell! Every-fucking-body knows I smoke. But if I can't smoke in my own office then neither can his pansy little ass.

"Damn...you ain't gonna make this easy on me are ya?"

I sighed and Looked directly at him. His eyes are still brown...SHIT!!! I quickly flitted my eyes to look at his jacket, flushing with shame as he laughed at me.

"Geez," he snickered, " I love this. The great Uzumaki Naruto, scared of me. Lil' ol' Kiba, his bff for life."

"I'm not afraid dammit! Just cautious..." God I hated that dog loving bitch sometimes.

"Awwww, Naru-chan is getting all flustered," he teased, "Ya don't have to admit it foxy, I can smell your fear," I glared at him, avoiding his eyes mind you, as he continued, "You afraid of Kiba, me, a new vampire. And you're supposed to be the executioner of us, the legendary Kyuubi. Ah, whatever happened to that tr-"

I laughed as he gapped at me, spluttering and hissing as he clutched his cheek where i'd just hit him with a silver-plated, weighted down stapler I had, that was just sitting all confused and helpless next to the pile of papers on my desk.

"Oh you stupid, pranking, bitch!" He yelled at me accusingly.

I shrugged. Kiba was right. Well...except for the stupid part. I am a sadistic, pranking, bitch and yes I was, am, afraid. Why not admit that? "Why are you here anyway Kiba, shouldn't be down at the district?"

"Hey now, be nice. I'm here to give you money. To be a client." He said, still rubbing his cheek.

"I raise the dead for a living Kiba, no pun intended. And why would a vampire need a freaking zombie raised in the first place? Arn't you guys like mortal enemies or something?"

Kiba shook his head. Quick; jerky. "No way man, none of that voodoo shit. I wanna have you investigate some murders."

"I am not a fucking private investigator."

"But-But- you gots one of them on retainer don't you?"

I nodded back curiosity running through my mind. What was Kiba up to now? "Yeah, you could've just hired Ms. Smith directly. You didn't have to come talk to me."

Another shake of the head. "But she doesn't know Vampires the way you do."

Okay...now I was just fucking confused. I sighed and glared at the clock on the wall. At least it didn't tick. I might've gone insane if it did. And now I'm getting off topic. "Okay Kiba, lets cut to the chase. I have to leave in 15 minutes or so. I do not like to have one of my clients alone in a cemetary full of dead things, shadows, and ghouls who might want a quick snack. They tend to get jumpy, ya know."

He laughed. I found it comforting, like the break away from the world that is my life, even with the fangs. "I'll bet they do," He laughed harder. Then like magic, he quickly sobered. I felt the tickling of fear in the pit pf my stomach. Vampires can change movements like a clicking switch. I hated that. Wait, if Kiba could do that...what _else_ could he do?

"You know about the vampires in the district, getting wasted right?"

He asked aquestion. Great...now I had to answer him. I could never leave a question unanswered and he knows it. So, I answered. "I'm familiar with them." Four Vamps, as I liked to call our vampire citizens, had been slaughtered in the new vampire district. Their hearts torn out and heads cut off. Great...Just. Fucking. Great.

"You still working for the cops?"

"I'm still on retainer with the new task force..."

He snickered. "Yeah, the spook squad. Underbugeted and undermanned, right?"

"Well, you just described most of the police work in this town."

"Maybe but the cops don't feel like you do, Naruto. What's one more dead Vampire? New laws don't change that."

It had only been two yearssince Addison v. Clark. The court gave us revised version of what life was and what death wasn't. Vampirism was now officially legal in the good ol' U. S. of A. We were one of the few countries to acknowledge. The immagration people were having fits trying to keep all the foreign vamps from imigrating in, well, _flocks_. Reminds me of when we legalized gay marriage...ah...but that's a story for another time. Yes, times were a-chnaging.

I stared at the vamp infront of me. Did I really believe 'what was one more dead vampire?' Maybe. I shrugged, "If you believe I feel that way, why come to me at all?"

"Because, dear Naru-chan," I hated when he called me that, "you're the best at what you do. We need the best."

"Who're you working for Kiba?" He smiled a close secretive smile, like he knew something I should definately fucking know. "Nevermind that. Money's real good and we wnat somebody who knows the night life real good."

"I've already seen the bodies Kiba. I gave my opinions to the police."

"What'd ya think?," he asked, leaning in real close.

"That your breath smells like it's been bathing in the dentist's cabinets of toothpaste, mouthwash, and floss, with a dessert of breath mints."

He blinks at me then leans back, sneering. "You know what I mean."

"I gave a full report to the police."

"Won't even give me that will ya?"

"I am not at liberty to discuss police buisness with you."

"Told em' you wouldn't go for it."

"What? Wouldn't go for what and you haven't even told me a damn thing Kiba!"

"We want you to find out who or what's been doing the killings. We'll pay you three times the normal fee!"

I shook my head. Jiraiya, that greedy son of a bitch. I should've known this meeting had to deal with money. It's not like he needs it. He fucking _OWNS_ the number one _bestselling PORN in the whole fucking WORLD!!! _Jiraiya and I would be having a long 'talk' very, _very_ soon.

I stood up. "The police are looking into it and in a way I am already working on the case. Save your goddamn Money!"

He sat, staring up at me, very still. Fear ran up my spine. I fought the urge to grab my crucifix and send him out of the office and away from me. But seriously, how unprofessional would that look.

"Why won't you help us?"

"I have clients I need to meet now Kiba. I'm sorry that I can't help."

"Won't help you mean."

"Have it your way," I nodded and walked around the desk to show him to the door.

He moved with a quickness that he'd never had, but I saw him move and was a step back from his reaching hand. "Ah-ah, Kiba. Tsk. I'm not another pretty face to fall for mind tricks."

He looked at me with something akin to a mixture of suprise and confusion. "You...you...saw me...move."

"Heard you move Kiba. You forget. You're the new dead. You still got a lot to learn buddy."

Awwww, now he's pouting! "Maybe, but no _human_--- could've stepped away like that. You ain't human any more than I am."

I winced and stared at his shoulder as he came closer. He was right. Being a demon wasn't anymore human than being a vampire. I moved to open the door and it swung open loosely. I gave him my best professional smile. "Thanks for visiting Animators inc. I really should be going now. And tell them, that I don't work for Vamps."

"A firm rule?"

"Concrete."

There was a flash of pity across his face. But it disappeared just as quickly as it came. "I wish you hadn't said that Naruto These people don't like anybody telling them no."

"I think you've overstayed your visit. I don't like to be threatened."

"It ain't a threat Naruto. It's the truth." And with that he walked out.

I slammed the door behind him and leaned against it, my knees feeling weak. But there wasn't time for me to sit there and shake. Mrs. Grunge was probably already at the cemetary with her two sons, waiting for me to raise her husband from the dead. There was a mystery of two wills or some bullshit like that.

I groaned and placed pulled at my silver crucifix, letting it hang in plan veiw. I threw on my shoulder rig, shoving my 9mm Browning Hi-Power in it's place. Loaded down with silver bullets. It didn't kill a Vamp but it discouraged them. I pulled on my long black trench coat and walked out. The rest of my shit laying in my car. I doubt the Grunges or their lawyers will notice.

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**Yuki: Pshhh-Ah Bitch!**

**Naruto: I am so fucking COOL!!**

**Sam: you just need to hurry up and add another fucking chapter before I kick your ass!**

**Yuki:T.T she'd do it too...**

**Naruto: Plz read and review to save Yuki's ass**

**Sam: and to get a new chapter**

**Yuki: and for the unveiling of a SasuNaru Makeout session! **

**Sasuke:YES READ AND REVIEW! READ AND REVIEW!!**

**Yuki: I'm with Sasuke on this one!!!...wait a minute...WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?!**

**Naruto and Sam:...;-.-...**


	2. Welcome to Guilty Pleasures

**Yuki: No, he doesn't need his name up in lights! He just wants to be hea-**

**Sam:YUKI!!**

**Yuki:-blinks- huh?**

**Sam:...dumbass...**

**Yuki: Oh...HI PEOPLES!!!! **

**Sam: -smacks forehead- **

**Yuki: I would like to thank all of my reviewers, alerters, and favorite-teers!! -cries- I feel so accomplished!**

**Sam: You. Accomplished?...-bursts out laughing- Ah, thats a good one!**

**Yuki: -glares-**

**Sam: -Keeps laughing-**

**Yuki: Naruto if you would please?**

**Naruto: Read the warning in Chapter one. Yuki does not own Naruto. If she did..then...-skims rest of script- WHAT IS THIS?!**

**Yuki: heh, heh, heh... ye-ah...On to thee fanfic!!!**

**Naruto:-tearing up script-**

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_**Chapter 2**_

I absolutely hate sunrises. I glared at it through the front of my car. This means I've over scheduled myself. _Again_. I rubbed a fist against my left eye as I glared out the window. I sighed as I pulled up to my apartment. It was white and depressingly cheerful in the morning light. The apartment is a roomy one bedroom. I am told by others that it has a great view, but I wouldn't know. If I had it my way, there would be no windows. But that isn't a problem. The heavy drapes I bought turn the brightest of days into cool twilight. I stripped down, an exception for the boxers, and fell onto my bed, sweet sleep pulling me in.

_**RING! RING! RING! RING!**_

A minute later the fucking phone rings. I glare at the wall, laying there for a full minute, looking at the tiny specks that have collected over the years. I cursed. Maybe I should ignore it?

**_RING! RING! RING! RING! RING!_**

I give. Cursing some more, I got up and trudge to my phone. "Hello?

"_Oh I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"_

It was a woman. What the hell? If it was a salesperson I was about to become very,_ very_ violent. "Who is this?," I asked, glancing at the clock. It was eight. I'd had _nearly_ Two hours of sleep. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

"_It's me. Yamanaka Ino."_ She sounded as if that explained everything. It didn't.

I didn't say anything. I guess she got the hint that I didn't know what she was talking about because she spoke up again.

"_Oh, my. Uh...I'm the Yamanaka Ino that works with Hyuuga Hinata._"

I huddled around the receiver and tried to think. Hmmm...The name doesn't ring any bells. Of course I know who Hyuuga Hinata is. Besties since Junior High. And she conned me into being her bridesmaid. _ME_. A _guy_. Of course that year supply of prepaid ramen at Ichiruka's helped. A little. Heh.

"Sure, Ino. Yes. What is it? I'm sorry if I don't sound too good. Just got off work and stuff..."

"_Oh, Yes. Um, well,_" By GOD! Spit it out already lady! "_I'm throwing a Bachelorette Party for Hinata. You know about her wedding in a month, yes?_"

I grumbled. That damned wedding. "Yes. I'm in it." I mumbled.

"_Oh, sure. I knew that. Pretty dresses we picked for the bridesmaids, don't ya think?_"

I swear to god, this bitch wanted me to take my gun, shove it as far up her ass as I could, and shoot. To answer her question...actually, that was something that I so did not need to spend over a hundred dollars on. But, it was Hinata's wedding and I couldn't so no to poor, little, stuttering, Hinata. "What about the bachelorette party?"

"_Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm rambling on arn't I? Anyways. You must be desperate for sleep and must want to shoot me so bad, don't cha_?"

Understatement of the year. I seriously wanted to cry. I wonder if screaming at her would make her get to the point and hang up.

"What do you want? Please, Ino."

_"Well...I know its short notice and all. I meant to call you a week ago."_

This, I believed. "Go on."

_"The Bachelorette Party is tonight and Hinata says you don't drink, so...I was wondering if you could, well, be our designated driver." _

"Don't you think that this is awfully short notice. Especially since you want me to drive."

"_I know. I'm so, _so_ sorry. But Hinata told me that Fridays and Saturdays are your nights off. Is Friday not your day off. I'm so sorry. I-_"

"I have tonight off."

"_Great! I'll give you directions. Its that ok?_"

It wasn't. "That's fine." But I'd say anything to get this pinhead off the line.

"_Pencil and paper?_"

"You said you worked with Hinata right?"

"_Yes._"

"I'll pick you both up there."

"_Oh. Of course, How silly of me. Okay. We'll see you at five. Dress up. You may be dancing tonight!_"

Psh. I hate to dance and there is no way in hell that I'm dressing up. But like I was gonna tell her that. "Sure, see you then."

"_Okay. See you tonight!_"

The phone went dead in my ear. FINALLY! I groaned as I turned on the answering machine and slipped into bed. Ino worked with Hinata. That made Ino a lawyer. That is a very frightening thought. Maybe she was one of those people who was only organized at work...naw.

Wait...I could've refused that invitation. Dammit. Why does my mind leave me so, only to come back when it is too late. Oh well. How bad could it be?

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Yamanaka Ino was wearing a button that said, 'Vampires are people too.' It, although peculiar, was not a promising beginning to this evening. Her purple blouse was silk with a high, flared collar framing a light, health club tan. Ick. Unlike my naturally, beautifully gold-dipped skin. Ahem, anyways. Her hair blonde, short and expertly cut; her makeup, perfect. God we know what type of woman she is now. 

The button should've tipped me off as to what kinda bachelorette party she'd planned. Some days I'm just really slow catch on.

I was wearing black, low slung, hipp hugging jeans; black knee-high combat boots; and a crimson t-shirt. My hair, fashionably spiked with a fringe hanging over my right eye. The sparkling, sapphire blue of my eyes, boldly stood out like my hair. I had 3 whisker like scars on each of my cheeks; birthmarks. My very _ex_-boyfriend once described me as one of those playboy type girls with just a touch of foxy to me. He meant it as a fucking compliment. Lets just say I didn't take it that way. Cough. There are, uh, reasons I don't date much. Yes, I am gay if you haven't noticed yet.

I wore a long-sleeved, zebra-stripped shirt underneath to hide the knife sheaths on my right wrist and upper left arm. I left my gun locked in my trunk of my escalade. Shut up. My dead family left me a fortune. I just barely use it. Except for absolutely necessary things. Nobody needed to know I was technically rich. Especially not Jiraiya. I like people thinking I was poor. They didn't treat me like royalty; but instead like every low-middle class working person. Anyways, I don't think the bachelorette party will get that out of hand. Hopefully.

"I'm sorry for putting this off till the last minute, Hinata. That's why there are only three of us. Sadly, everyone else had plans," Ino said, looking worriedly at Hinata.

"Imagine that. People having plans on a Friday night. Who knew." I drawled sarcastically.

Ino stared at me, trying to figure if I was joking or not. Dumbshit. Hinata gave me a warning glare. I winced and gave them both my best angelic smile. Ino smiled back. Hinata didn't. Oh, sh knew me oh too well.

Ino began dancing down the sidewalk, happy as a drunken schoolgirl on crack, who just so happened to be asked out by the boy, or man, cough, of her dreams. She had had only two drinks for dinner. This was a very bad sign. Hmph, very must be my word of the week.

Hinata glanced from me to her, then slowed to walk beside me. She was a short, petite girl; 5',5" to be exact. Same as me, sadly. She had long brown hair, which had a violet tint to it. She had white eyes, pupiless eyes and shy but really scary personality. Meaning? She can be really mean, scary and kickass when she wants to be.

"Be nice," She whispered, so Ino wouldn't hear her.

"What did I say?"

"Naruto." Her voice was stern. Kinda like my dad's when i skipped out on curfew when I was young.

I sighed. "Man, your'e no fun."

"I plan to be a lot of fun tonight." She stretched her arms skyward. She still wore the crumpled business suit, as the wind blew her violet tinted hair. I've never been able to decide whether Hinata would look better if she cut her hair, or if her hair was what made her pretty. I shrugged. Oh well, no time to ponder on that thought.

She spoke again, "If I have to give up one of my few free nights, then I plan on enjoying myself - immensely."

There was a kind of fierceness to the last word. I stared at her. "You are so _not_ planning on getting _falling-down_ drunk, are you?"

She looked smug. "Maybe..."

Hinata knew I didn't approve of drinking. But then again, I smoke, so...heh, can't go around being hypocrite. That reminds me. I slip my hand in my back pants pocket and pull out a cig and a lighter, keeping my one eye on the road and one hand on the wheel. I put the cigarette in my mouth and played with the lighter for a while, finally lighting the cigarette and tossing the lighter into a cup holder. Hinata glanced at me disapprovingly.

"Hey, if you can drink then I can smoke. It's my lungs and my car." She glanced at me one more time, then rolled her eyes and looked out the window.

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We left my poor car in a parking lot two blocks back. A parking lot with a wrought-iron fence around it. My car better well damn be there when I get back or someone, or some_thing_ is gonna die tonight, baby! Cough, uh, yeah...anyways, there wasn't alot of parking by the river. The narrow brick roads and ancient sidewalks had been made for horses and people, not pile of oil powered hunks of junk. The streets had been freshly washed by a summer thunderstorm, so not my forte, that had come and gone while we ate dinner. The first stars glittered overhead, like diamonds on black velvet. 

Ino yelled back at us, at least 15 steps ahead, "Hey! Hurry up you slowpokes!"

Hinata looked at me and grinned. Next thing I knew she was running towards Ino. I sighed. I had a bad feeling about this bachelorette party. It's a good thing I'm gay and nice and consider Hinata as one of my important people I must protect, or I wouldn't have even been here. But sadly, I am. I rolled my eyes, "Oh for heaven's sake."

"Don't be an old stick in the mud!" Hinata called back at me, laughing.

Me old? Stick in the mud? That little bitch! I caught up to them walking. Ino was giggling and so was Hinata. They were leaning on each other laughing. Somehow I knew they'd be. I also knew they were probably laughing at me.

Ino calmed down enough to fake an ominous stage whisper. "You know what's around the corner."

As a matter of fact, yes I do. The last vamp had been killed less than four blocks from here. We were in what the vamps liked to call 'The District.' The humans called it the Riverfront, or Blood Square, depending on if they were rude or not.

"Guilty Pleasures," I said, glaring ahead, lighting up another cig.

Ino pouted. "Oh, pooh. You spoiled the surprise."

"What's Guilty Pleasures?" Hinata asked.

Ino giggled. Oh yeah, she's a def hoe. A straight up bitch. Okay, I admit. I just don't like her. "Goodie, the surprise isn't spoiled." She looped her arm through Hinata's. "You are going to love this. I absolutely promise you."

I absolutely, positively, and Oh so silently in my head, promised I was so going to _loathe_ this.I knew Hinata might like it, but no way in hell was I going to. Yet, I follow them around the corner anyways. The sign was a wonderful, swirling neon, the color of heart blood. The symbolism was not lost to me.

We went up the three broad steps, and there was a vampire standing propped up against the open door. He had a black crew cut and small, pale eyes. His massive muscles threatened to rip the tight black t-shirt he wore. Wasn't pumping iron redundant after you died? He reminded me of a mix between a steroid taking baseball player, a body builder, and an army general. He skin, though pale and nearly dead looking, looked flushed and healthy. He looked damned near rosy-cheeked. A meal of fresh blood will do that to ya.

Even though we stood at the threshold, I could still feel the hum of voices, music, and laughter. I sighed. Man, I hate it here. Time to reveal the true identity. Two fluffy gold and red tipped fox ears, popped out, into place on top of my head. A long, sleek, golden fox tail appeared near the bottom of my spine, laying limp over my ass. The three stared at me. I raised an eyebrow. "What? I hate these things too, but I at least need to relax every once in a while."

He grinned, flashing fangs. Hinata gasped. He grinned wider. " Ah, the infamous Kyuubi has come to the District."

I shrugged. "Don't I come here everyday already?"

He smirked, then glanced at Ino. "Go on in Ino. Your table is waiting."

I gapped. Table? What kinda clout was Ino in? Guilty Pleasures was one of the hottest clubs in the District, and they did _not_ take reservations.

There was a large sign on he door. "No crosses, crucifixes, or other holy items allowed inside." I read the sign and walked past it. Like _hell_, I was going to give up my cross.

A rich, melodious voice surrounded us. "Naruto, so Nice of you to come."

I glared and threw my cig out the still open door. The voice belonged to none other than Uchiha Sasuke. The club owner and master vampire. He was tall, standing at a stunning height of 6', 2". He looked like your average, modern vamp. He wore a tight black t-shirt that showed off his lean, well built body and black jeans. He wore chains all over his pants and had his hair in its usually duckass style. He hard dark, black eyes that seemed to stare into your very soul.

"You two know each other?" Ino asked, looking back forth at us. My ear twitched as I felt sweat trickle down the back of my neck.

"Oh, yes." Sasuke said. "Mr. Uzumaki and I have met before."

"I've been helping the police work cases on the Riverfront."

"Yes. He is their vampire expert." He said the last word soft and warm, making it vaguely obscene.

Ino giggled. Hinata was staring, wide-eyed and innocent at Sasuke. I touched her arm and she jerked suddenly, like seeming to wake from a dream. I spoke to her, not bothering to whisper for I knew Sasuke would hear it anyway. "Important safety tip - never look a vampire in the eye. _Ever_."

She nodded. The first hint of fear showed on her face.

Sasuke smirked and took her hand. "I would never harm such a lovely young woman." A mere brush of the lips. Hinata blushed.

He kissed Ino's hand as well. He looked at me and smirked. "Don't worry my little animator. I will get you later. Touching you in front of others would be cheating."

My eye twitched. Why that fucking son of a bit- He moved to stand next to me. I stared heavily at his chest. Goddamn my height.

"Just as you having a cross would be cheating."

I sighed and reluctantly pulled off my cross, placing it in a box a lady carried. Written on the side of the box was a sign in sharpie saying 'All holy items placed here.'

I felt Sasuke smirk as I moved around and made to follow my friend and Ino. I felt a tug on my risk and next thing I knew I was up against a wall in Sasuke's office.

* * *

Sasuke slid his hand up Naruto's arms, going under the long sleeves and pulling out both knife sheaves and knifes, fling them into the floor. 

"Ah, ah, ah Naru-chan. We can't be having any accidents can we." Sasuke smirked as Naruto finally lifted his head and looked straight into his eyes.

"Fucking bastard." Naruto hissed at him, ears lying back on his head, hand coming up to punch the smirking master vampire. Sasuke grabbed the demon fox's wrists and pinned them up against the wall.

"Such a feisty little kitsune aren't we." Sasuke grinned, leaning in.

"Shut it fang face!" Naruto glared up at him_. 'How dare he mess with me!_' Naruto thought, trying to pull out of Sasuke's grasp.

"Aww, c'mon Naru-chan. You know this is just turning me on when you fight back."

"I said SHUT I-mphm!" Naruto was cut off as Sasuke closed the distance with their lips. Naruto tried to talk and move away from the Vampire, but alas gave in with a light mewl. Sasuke smirked and licked Naruto's bottom lip, teasingly nipping at it lightly, asking for entrance. Naruto gasped, allowing Sasuke open access to his cavern. Naruto moaned as he met with raven's tongue and the battle for dominance raged on.

Sasuke let go of Naruto's hands, trailing his pale ones down the small lithe body in his grasp, settling his hold on bronze hips. Naruto wrapped his arms, lightly around Sasuke's neck and deepened the kiss, settling in for submission. Naruto groaned, feeling Sasuke pull away to lightly nip on his neck.

Sasuke ran a hand along Naruto's thigh, bringing the slender leg up to wrap around his waist. Naruto, getting the hint, wrapped the other around his waist, hooking his ankles together. Sasuke grabbed Naruto's ass and backed up until he reached one of the lounging chairs. Sitting down, he captured Naruto's lips again, earning a delicious moan.

Naruto moved around in Sasuke's lap, getting comfortable , accidentally brushing against Sasuke's against erection. Sasuke groaned into the kiss and pulled away, grabbing Naruto's hips and thrusting up.

Naruto flushed and moaned, ears perked straight up and tail swishing back and forth. "S-Sas-Sasuke?"

"Shhhh, Naruto, shhh." Sasuke thrust up again, forcefully rolling Naruto's hips downwards. Naruto moaned and met Sasuke halfway for a passionate kiss.

_'And so the night begins...'_

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Yuki: I finished chapter 2 and it only took me like a little over 7 hours

Sam: so...when are you gonna post that goddess and god story

Yuki: that is a work in progress

Naruto: wait. How do Sasuke and I know each other so..._closely_

Yuki: that will be reveled in future

Sam: basically You and Sasuke met on a case, Sasuke fell in love with you at first sight and has been pining after you ever since. you lust for Sasuke and deep down love him deeply but you're in some deep denial an- mmnfsenogsbnsjak dgvj

Yuki: SHUT UP SAM! YOU'RE GIVING MOST OF THE PLOT AWAY!!!

Naruto: ...

Sam: -pokes Naruto-

Naruto: -falls over in a dead faint-

Yuki:...-stares at Sam poking Naruto with a stick and laughing maniacally- o...k...yeah um please read and review! Next chapter is where the plot starts up!


	3. Evil Horny Poptarts

**Yuki: Here's a filler for you impatient peeps**

**Naruto:...this is going to be weird isn't it?**

**Yuki: ...maybe... . ... . ...**

**Naruto:...oh god...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto...this is getting really depressing...**

**Warning: Rape, poptarts, babies, crack, AU, newspaper

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"Hey, Sasuke?" Naruto asked, glancing weirdly at the headline on today's newspaper. "Did you read the headline on today's newspaper?"

Sasuke glanced at Naruto, noticing the look on his dobe's face. "No...read it to me."

Naruto glanced nervously between Sasuke and the story; then taking a deep breath, he started to read it. "Once upon a time in a world far away...everyone died. The end."

Sasuke rose and eyebrow. "Is that all?"

Naruto shook his head and continued. "P.s. How they died: evil calendars bent on world domination, also in cohorts with the brain warping penguins, told told them that Easter was here. So the poptarts got horny and raped everyone. Men, women, children, and babies alike. The end."

Sasuke had now put everything down and was reading over Naruto's shoulder, a look between confusion, curiosity, and disgust spread across his face.

Naruto continued on. "P.s.s. It is sad to say(not really) that all the women, men, children, and babies died while in the middle of poptart birthing pains. Let this be a warning to you all to never go near a horny poptart or you will die trying to give birth to little, horny, baby poptarts. The end. Really this time."

Sasuke took the newspaper and burned it, then proceeded to decontaminate Naruto's hands. "Never, _EVER, _buy that brand of newpaper again. In fact don't ever look or think about a newspaper again, got it?!"

Naruto whimpered and nodded. "'kay, 'Suke."

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**Yuki: ...i can't believe me and kelly wrote this...**

**Naruto:...o.0...**

**Yuki:...Well, tell me what you think about my filler! I'm going to try and finish chapter three of this story!**


	4. The Vamp Junkie and saved by the BEEP

**Yuki: Yeeeeeeeeeah. A used--pink bathrobe, a rare--mint snowglobe, a smurf---tv tray, I bought on eBay. My house is filled with this crap. Shows up in bubble wra-OW!!**

**Sam: ...dumbass...i swear you need to stop doing that...**

**Yuki: Okay. Back again with another chapter**

**Sam: there, there. let it all out**

**Yuki: -****crys****- TT I'm so thankful!!! People actually like the story!!!**

**Sam: -backs away- ye-ah**

**Naruto: What's her problem?**

**Sam: You don't want to know…**

**Naruto****:…****o….k…..**

**Sam: Read the warning in Chapter 1 people! OOC Lee is now in the story**

**Yuki: ... and a very hot lee at that...**

**Naruto: She doesn't own me, the show, or any characters or most of the plot. She just changed it to make it her own.**

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**_Chapter 3_**

I accepted the kiss, battling for dominance against Sasuke as I unwrapped one of my arms from his neck. I let him take control of the kiss, pulling my arm back and pulling away just in time. My arm connected firmly with his jaw and he let go, swearing up a storm and grabbing his aching jaw. I smirked, sliding off his lap and picking up my property from the ground, sliding them back into their places on my arm.

I waltzed over to him, tail swishing back and forth in pleasure as I spotted the bruise forming on the underside of his jaw.

He hissed and glared at me. "You fucking _bitch_. You just fucking hit me!"

I smiled and leaned down, whispering in his ear, "It didn't take much sweetheart."

I laughed at my mirth, nipping his ear and walking out of the room, a malicious grin adorning my face as I made my way towards my friend and that...thing.

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Our table was nearly bumping up against the stage. The room, full of liquor and laughter, echoed a safe and friendly atmosphere. Well, except for the few fake screams as vampire waiters and waitresses moved about the tables. There _was_ an undercurrent of fear. That particular terror you encounter when you're about t go down that first huge slope on a rollercoaster, or the fear you feel when listening to the suspenseful music of undeniable horror and fear at the movies. It was, supposedly, a safe fear. 

Damn. The light just went. Greeeeat. Screams echoed throughout the room. I covered my poor, poor ears. Those screams were way too high and shrill. Some real fear for an instant. A voice came through the darkness. "Welcome to Guilty Pleasures. We are here to serve and give."

I recognized that voice. I smirked. I guess Mr. Uchiha has recovered. His voice was like silken whispers in the wee hours of night. Damn, he was good. But not _that_ good...okay I admit. I'm in denial.

"Have you ever wondered what it'd be like to feel my breath upon your skin? My lips along your neck." I gulped as he continued on with his sensually talk. I didn't have to wonder. All I had to do was walk right up to him and he would gladly do that. It was like he was talking to me. Like the whole speech was just for me. Ha. Who was I kidding. Probably ever fucking woman in this room was thinking that. It didn't matter he was mine...wait a minute...I AM NOT JEALOUS!

"Our first gentleman tonight shares in your fantasy. He wanted to know how the sweetest of kisses felt. He has gone before you to tell you that it is wondrous." The damn man let silence fill the air in the still darkness, until even my own heart beated loudly in my chest. "Lee is with us tonight."

"Lee..." Ino whispered, staring at the stage intently. Soon a chant started up. "Lee, Lee, Lee..." The sound rose around us like a dark prayer.

The lights began to come up like the end of a movie, showing way to the lean figure on the stage. A white tee hugged his well built, not muscle-man though, upper body close; black leather jacket, tight jeans and boots completed the outfit. He looked as if he could've walked off any street. His short, style spiked hair and slanted eyes gave him a wild look. Music drifted into the the twilit silence, the man swaying to the sound, hips rotating ever so slightly. He began to slip out of the leather jacket, moving slowly like he was part of the fucking matrix or something. The music began to pulse, a pulse that his body moved with. The jacket, finally, slipped onto the stage, as he stared out into the audience. I just rolled my eyes. Great. A male stripper, hobo, matrix cosplaying man that liked to play whore the vampires. Yep, just what I needed on a Friday.

I looked back at the man on stage, noticing white scar tissue, covering his arms. I gulped. I wasn't really sure what was about to happen but I knew I was so not going to like it. He swayed and strutted around the stage, stopping near our table. He looked down at us and _damn _did is neck look just like a junkie's arm. I had to look away, I couldn't stand it. All those neat little bite marks, just like neat little scars. I glanced around my table, Hinata looking down at her lap, Ino leaning forward in her chair with half-parted lips.

He grabbed the tee with strong hands and pulled, peeling away from his torso as it ripped. Screams came from the audience. A few called his name. He smiled, a dazzling, brilliant, melt-in-your-mouth smile. I crossed my arms and huffed, leaning back in my chair. Immature idiots...but then again who was I to talk. I took a glance out of him from my periph and couldn't stop my jaw from slowly dropping. There was scar tissue on his smooth, bare chest: white scars, pinkish scars, new scars, old scars.

"Oh God." Hinata whispered.

Ino grinned, "He's wonderful, isn't he?"

I glanced at her, about to say a blunt '_Are you shitting me?_' but I noticed something I hadn't earlier. Her flared collar had slipped to reveal two neat puncture wounds on her neck. They were fairly old, almost scars. Sweet Jesus, I knew I was slow today but I should've smelt the vampire on her.

The music burst into a pulsing violence, Lee keeping up with it. I glanced back at him seeing that there was a white mass of scars littering his left collarbone; ragged and vicious. My stomach flipped and tightened. A vampire had torn through the man's collarbone, ripped him up like a dog with its first taste of fresh, bloody meat. I knew, because I had a similar scar. Lots of similar scars to be infact. Just go ahead and _guess_ where they came from.

Dollar bills appeared in hands like mushrooms after a rainy season. Ino was over there, waving her money like a flag. I didn't want Lee at my table. Nuh-uh. Nope. No siree. I had to lean into Ino to whisper into her ear and be heard. "Ino, _please_, _don't_ bring him over _here_."

Even as she turned to look at me, I knew it was too late. Lee of the many scars was standing on stage, looking straight down at _us_. I stared up into his very human eyes. Out f my periph, I could see the pulse in Ino's throat. She licked her lips; her eyes were enormous. She stuffed the money down the front of his pants, bringing her hands up to trace his scars like nervous butterflies. Dear lord, I was becoming nauseous. She leaned her face close to his stomach and began kissing his scars, leaving red lipstick prints in her wake. He knelt as she continued to kiss up his chest. She continued up, pressing his lips to his face. He tilted his neck to the side, as if he knew what she wanted. She licked the newest bite scar, tongue small and pink, like a cat. I heard her breath go out in a trembling sigh. She bit him, mouth locking over the wound. I scowled as Lee jerked with pain...or maybe just surprise. Her jaws tightened as her throat worked. She was sucking the wound.

Frown plastered on my face, I turned away and looked towards Hinata. She was staring at them, face blank with astonishment and somewhat fear. The crowd was going wild, screaming and waving money in the air like crazed me at an auction. My tail lay limp and ears pressed flat against my head, twitching at the noise. Note to self; when entering vamp strip club on a Friday night, bring a box of earplugs. Lee pulled away from Ino and moved onto another table. Ino slumped forward, head resting in er lap, arms limp by her sides. I rose an eyebrow, an ear lifting a little with some twitching movements. Had she fainted? I reached out to touch her shoulder and realized I didn't want to touch her. I took a shaky breath then grabbed her shoulder, shaking her gently. She moved turning her head to look at me. Her eyes held the lazy fullness that sex gives. Her mouth looked pale, lipstick worn away. She hadn't fainted; she was fucking _basking_ in the afterglow. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd also orgasmed while she was having her sucking frenzy. Che, vamps and they're lustful ways.

I drew back from her, wiping my hands on my pants. My palms were sweaty. I looked back at the stage to see Lee there. He had stopped dancing. He was just standing there. I saw the giant red mark Ino left on his neck.

I jolted, then blinked. I felt the first stirrings of an old mind, flowing of the crowd. I forced back a whimper as Hinata looked at me, fear written plainly across her face. "What's happening?"

"It's alright." Ino said. She was sitting upright in her chair, eyes still half-closed. She licked her lips and stretched, hands rising above her head.

Hinata turned to me. "Naruto, what is it?"

"Vampire." I said, staring straight at the table.

Fear flashed across her face and I almost laughed. I watched the fear fade under the weight of the vampire's mind. She turned away slowly to stare at Lee as he waited on stage. Hinata was in no danger. That I was certain of. This mass hypnosis was not personal and not permanent. Trust me. Those vamps also have to answer to the law too. The vamp wasn't as old Sasuke, nor as good. Let's not reveal to him that i just praised his overly egotistic mind. I sat there, tail and ears twitching, feeling the press and flow of over a hundred years of power, and it wasn't enough. Well it wasn't for me anyways. Now these humans...that's a whole other matter. I felt him move up through the tales. He had gone to a lot of trouble to make sure the poor humans wouldn't see him come. He would simply appear in the midst like magic. I snorted.

You don't get surprise vamps often. I turned and watched the vampire make his way to the stage. Every human face I saw was enraptured, turned blindly to the stage, waiting. The vampire was tall with high cheekbones, model-perfect, sculpted. He was too masculine to be beautiful, and too perfect to be real. He weaved through the tables wearing a proverbial vampire outfit, black tux and white gloves. Sorta reminds me of a penguin or mickey mouse. He stopped one table away from me to stare. He held the audience in the palm of his mind, helpless and waiting. But there I sat staring at him, this time, straight into his eyes. I always had more power than most of them, depending on their age, when i was in one of my demon forms. His body stiffened; surprised. I cackled with glee in my mind, a giant smirk painted on my face. There's nothing like ruining the c calm of a hundred-year-old vampire to boost a demon's morale. Thank you daddy.

I looked past him to see Sasuke. He was staring at me, a glint of amusement apparent in his eyes. I saluted him with my drink; with which he responded with a nod. A silly grin came o my face and a blew a kiss at him, adding a wink in too. His eyes widened then slid into a well used glare. He knew I was playing with him. I smirked and turned back to look at the vamp standing on the stage beside Lee. Lee's eyes were as blank as any human's. The spell or whatever drifted away. With a thought he woke the audience, an they gasped. _Magic_. I snorted and muffled my laughter in my sleeve.

Sasuke's voice filled the sudden silence. "This is Maaka. Welcome him to our stage."

The crowd went wild., applauding ad screaming. Hinata was joining in with everyone else. Apparently; she was impressed. The music changed again, pulsing and throbbing in the air, almost painfully loud. My ears lay flat, tail covering them. Maaka the vampire began to dance. He threw his white gloves into the audience. One landed at my feet. I left it there.

Ino spoke. "Pick it up"

I shook my head. No way jose! Another woman leaned over from another tale. I wrinkled my nose; her breath smelled like whiskey.

"You don't want it?" She asked.

Once again, I shook my head. She got up, I suppose to get the glove. Ino beat her to it. The woman sat down looking unhappy.

The vampire had stripped, showing a smooth expanse of chest. He dropped to the stage and did fingertip-push ups. _I_ rolled my eyes. The _audience_ went wild. I wasn't impressed at all. I knew he could bench press a car if he wanted. What's a few push ups compared to that?

He began o dance around Lee, Lee turning to face him, arms outspread, slightly crouched, as if he were ready for an attack. They began circling each other as the music softened until it was only the soft underscoring to the movements on the stage.

Maaka began to move closer to Lee; Lee moving as if trying to run from the stage. The vamp was suddenly there, blocking his escape. I blinked. I hadn't seen him move. The vampire was just there. I hadn't _seen _him _move._ Fear drove all the air from my body in an icy rush. I hadn't felt the mind trick. Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I looked around. Sasuke was standing two tables away. He smirked when he caught my gaze, raising a pale hand to salute. The bastard had been in my mind and I hadn't even known it. I glared and flipped him one, smirking at the frown that marred is pretty little face. The audience gasped and I urned my attention back to the stage, chocking back my own gasp. They were both kneeling; the vampire had one of Lee's arms pinned behind his back. One hand gripped Lee's hair, pulling his neck back at a painful angle.

Lee's eyes were wide and terrified. The vamp hadn't put him under...holy fuck...HE WASN'T UNDER!!!! He was aware and scared. Dear _God._ He was panting, his chest rising and falling in short gasps. The vamp looked out at the audience and hissed, fangs flashing overdramatically in the lights. The hiss had turned the beautiful face into something bestial. His hunger rode out over the crowd; a need so intense, it made my stomach cramp.

No! I would not feel this with him! I bit my tongue; hard. I sighed in relief, the feeling faded. Pain helped. I sucked on my tongue, swallowing my own metallic blood; the taste bitter, yet not. The hunger beat around me, filling the crowd, but not me, _not me_.

Maaka drew back his head.

"No..." I whispered. The vamp struck, teeth sinking into the flesh. Lee screamed and it echoed around the club; I winced, holding my sensitive ears. The music died abruptly. No one moved. You could have dropped a pin. Soft, moist, sucking noises filled the silence. Lee began to moan, high in his throat. Over and over again, small helpless sounds. I looked out at the crowd. They were with the vampire, feeling his hunger, his need, feeling him feed. Maybe sharing Lee's terror, I didn't know. I was apart from it and glad.

Maaka stood, letting Lee fall to the floor. I almost stood, thinking Lee was dead but he wasn't i watched him take a few shuddering breaths. He was alive. I felt weak. He was alive and he had _he enjoyed_ it. I wouldn't have believed it if someone told me. I would've called them a liar.

A vampire junkie. Surely, to _GOD, _I'd seen everything now.

A whisper echoed through the silence. "Who wants a kiss?" Sasuke's voice stretched out.

No one moved for a heartbeat; then hands, money, raised here and there. Not many, but a few. Most people looked confused, as if they had woken from a daydream and their teacher just finished asking them a question. I almost groaned as I recognized one of the money holders. Ino.

Lee lay where he had been dropped, chest rising and falling, himself recovering from the intense moment that was displayed to all just a few seconds earlier.

Maaka the Vamp came to Ino. She tucked the money down the front of his pants. He pressed his bloody, fanged mouth to her lips. The kiss was long and deep, full of probing tongues. They were tasting each other. My face twisted with disgust as I watched the two suck face. Oh lord I was gonna be sick.

The vampire drew away from Ino. Her hands around his neck tried to draw him back, but he pulled away. He turned to me . I shook my head, scooching back a bit.I showed him my empty hands. No money here folks.

He grabbed fro me, snake-quick. No time to think, I stood up and away, just out of harms reach. No ordinary human could have seen him coming. The jig, as they say, was up. A buzz of voices raised through the audience as they tried to figure out what had happened, I quickly hid my ears and tail, making them invisible to the human eye. No demon here folks; just your friendly neighborhood animator, folks, nothing to get excited about. Heh heh, yeeeeeeeeeaaaaah.

Sasuke was suddenly beside me, arms wrapped around my midsection. An added bonus for him. I hadn't seen him come. "Are you alright, Naruto?"

His voice held hints of hings unsaid. Things the words didn't even hint at. Promises whispered in darkened rooms, under cool sheets. He sucked me under and rolled my mind like a wino after money, and it felt _good. _Crash-Shrill-Beep- Noise thundered through my mind, chased the vampire out, kept him at bay.

My beeper had gone off. I blinked and staggered out of his grasp, leaning against our table. Sasuke reached out to steady me. "Don't. Touch. Me." I hissed through gritted teeth. The damn smug bastard. Playing with my mind. He smiled. "Of course." Yes. A damn smug bastard indeed.

I pushed the button on my beeper to silence it. Thank you god, I decided to hang my beeper off my waistband. I might've never heard it otherwise. I called from the phone at the bar, Sasuke behind me all the while. I ignored him. The police wanted me expertise at the Hidden Leaf Cementary. I had work my night off. YIPEE!!! Oh, and I mean it this time if you get my drift.

I offered to take Hinata with me, but the girl wanted to stay. I sighed. Whatever else you could say about vamps, they are fascinating. It went with the job description, like drinking blood and working nights. Hey, it was her choice.

I promised to come back in time to drive her home. Then I picked up my cross from the little box of holy items, as I had dubbed it, and slipped it inside my shirt.

Sasuke was standing at the door. He grabbed me by the waist, pulling me flush against him. I blushed and glared at his clothed chest. "I almost had you my little Kitsune." He licked a line from my collarbone up to my jaw, giving it a quick nip.

I glared at him again and pushed away before he could get a grip on my well-shaped ass. Yes I admit it, I love my ass and am very proud and protective of it. This leading to me still being, said to say, a virgin. Sigh. I walked to the door and glared back at Sasuke, noting that his face was pointed to my ass, his eyes also directed to the middle area between my buttcheeks. I blushed and hissed at him, getting his attention. "Almost, doesn't count you blood-sucking bastard!" I waltzed out, his laughter following me out into the night, like velvet rubbing against my spine.

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**Yuki: It is done! Finally! All I needed was some inspiration, I'm already half way through the next chapter!! **

**Naruto: -claps hands- Brava! ...now...-glares at Yuki- what is this about my ass?!**

**Sasuke: wraps his arms around Naruto and starts dragging him toward the bedroom- Don't deny that you have the tightest, roundest, bubbilicious butt in the century!**

**Naruto: - blushes and ends up being dragged into the bedroom-**

**Yuki: yeah...i didn't hear that come out of Sasuke's mouth. Well here's a Preview of the next chappie and if you want me to post it sooner then normal give me some reviews or flames or constructive criticism...as long as it isn't on grammar or spelling. I don't have a beta kay!**

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_The coffin lay on it's side. A white scar of claw marks ran down the dark varnish. The pale blue lining, imitation of silk, was sliced and gouged. One bloody handprint showed plainly.; it could almost have been human. All that was left of the older corpse was a shredded brown suit, a finger bone gnawed clean and a scarp of scalp. The man had been blond..._


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